Parenting (September, 2024)

by Melanie Sisinni
09/06/2024

The essential life skill of discernment

My memories of grade school are not particularly fond. I didn’t have very many friends who were girls, and I often felt like an outsider because I didn’t care about brand names or what was determined to be “cool.” I could have made different choices and made more effort to fit in, but I didn’t want to. That wasn’t my personality, and it still isn’t.

Though the girls our daughter, Stella, goes to school with are incredibly sweet and get along well, I can already hear competition brewing. Right now, the bar is low. Stella has her heart set on getting her ears pierced. This is the newest step toward tweendom these young ladies are taking. I don’t have an inherent problem with Stella getting her ears pierced. I know she can handle taking care of them herself, but I’m still holding back to ensure she truly wants this. Until recently, she consistently vocalized that she NEVER wanted her ears pierced. But now that most of her friends have taken that step, she wants to, too. My job as a mother of a nearly 7-year-old is to help guide her in her decision-making. Is this something she truly wants, or does she want it because everyone else has it?

Another source of excitement at her school right now is the much-discussed Stanley cup. No, gentlemen, not the hockey trophy. We’re talking about the gigantic drink apparatus. A few girls in her class have them, and I’m sure most moms have them, too (guilty). While I think it’s ridiculous to spend $35 to $45 on a cup for a child, this seems important to her. Could I buy it for her? Sure. Am I going to? No.

Oooh. Mean mom alert. Or maybe not.

Every Friday, Stella gets $5. It’s not an allowance. It’s her “Friday Five.” Chores are part of growing up and being part of a family, so we don’t want to give her money for things that she should be doing already, and we’ve made that clear to her. She knows that she gets $5 every week as long as she continues to be nice to her brother and sister (sometimes a hardship), be helpful and prioritize the important things, like homework and reading. This is one way of avoiding buying the little junky toys we all hate and teaching her to save money for things she wants, again helping her with her discernment process. Of course we get her the things she needs, but what does she learn if I just buy her the things she wants all the time?

Currently, she needs $8 more before she gets her special cup, and at that point, if Stella still wants it, she’ll have the joy of knowing that she worked hard and saved for it. Hopefully, she’ll start to understand the value of the things she is investing in.

Beyond fitting in at school, I hope she’ll translate these discernment skills into her prayer life. As adults, we are constantly faced with decisions that are much more difficult to make than selecting the color of a cup. Things are not always answered with a simple yes or no, and there are often several consequences to consider before truly deciding.

Throughout our lives, there are many important decisions to make. Most importantly, we are called to listen to the voice of God to determine our calling and to be prepared if that calling changes. My husband thought he was called to the priesthood. Clearly, he was called to married life instead. I know he wants our children to be prepared to embrace their callings in the same way that he has, without jumping into anything impulsively and with the understanding that we don’t always see God’s entire plan until we live it.

I am doing my best to discern — on a daily basis, and along with my husband — the right way for us to raise our children. I hope I am helping them develop essential skills that can be used to discern their paths, whether they are trying to navigate making good friends or decisions that will help draw them closer to God throughout their lives.

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